my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
