My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
