2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
