my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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