tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
