you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
