no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
