Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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