since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The air was thick with penises
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize