I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
