I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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