i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
