Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
