That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
