Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
