Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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