ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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