Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
