Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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