No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
