I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
