OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
