I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got inside last night via doggy door
my god I love twenty year old dicks
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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