That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
