There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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