but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
