his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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