Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
