No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
