I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
