the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it hurts more in the daytime
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
