there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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