im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
