Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
