party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
