I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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