my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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