Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
