it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize