Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize