He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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