I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
