I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
