How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
