I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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