Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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