so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
