I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
