I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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