That's intense
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my poor anus
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
