I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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