if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
soo... how was my night?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
