So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
