Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
