when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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