tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize