Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
