So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
