I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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