Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
