There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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