he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
