you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
