Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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