I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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