No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
