Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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