When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ttyl tear gas
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
