Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
