nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
