I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
