she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
