He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
