I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
