Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
