You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
